Alef: The NEXT Conversation
My Father's Name was Lewis Lander
By Ian Lander
My father’s name was Lewis Lander. He sometimes went by “Big Lew the Jew from Avenue U.” This nickname was self-applied, even though he was not from Avenue U, and was admittedly only “a majestic five foot seven on a good day.” He was, however, a Jew. He rarely attended synagogue, and was comparatively unfamiliar with religious practices. I think his Judaism came out in his sense of humor. He used it as a way to view the world and deal with the absurdity of life that he recognized all too well.
One Jewish tradition that he did observe was leading Passover Seder in our home. When it came time to do hand washing, he would say, “Now please join me in washing,” and then spit air into each hand and clap, rubbing them together. That’s how we knew it was time to eat.
When my mother told him she was pregnant with their first child (me), he looked at her with wide-eyed excitement and said, “You mean I’m going to have a brother?” Once he had children, they of course had to have nicknames. I was lovingly named “Thornbush,” undoubtedly a nod to my warm and cuddly demeanor.
My dad had a way of remaining funny while dishing out biting criticism or complaint. I remember going with him to a diner where he thought we had waited too long to order. He stopped a waitress to ask her if there was some sort of secret password that he didn’t know to get service. All I could do was sink down in my chair and be glad that it wasn’t directed at me.
He recognized comedic genius in others too, even if it was unintentional. There was his never published book, “Mangled Idioms,” a collection of mis-sayings by his sister-in-law. “You can’t kick a dead horse in the mouth” remains a favorite of mine. A chicken scratched rough draft remains in the bottom drawer of my mother’s dresser.
God, did he have fun with my mother. There was a period where he was calling her “New York,” paying homage to his beloved TV show “Flavor of Love.” He could always spin it when my mom got mad, saying that New York was Flav’s favorite woman, as she was his.
Big Lew was also willing, once in a while, to make himself the butt of the joke. One day I came home to find him out in the street playing catch with my brother and wearing a humongous “R.I.P. Tupac Shakur” T-shirt.
He would say things like, “Don’t you know I’m challenged?” when he’d spill food on himself or forget to do something important. He called himself “Homer.” In this way, he used humor to cope with his own shortcomings and problems, some of which were quite serious.
I have a lot of my father in me, for which I must laugh to keep from crying. When we buried him two years ago, there was a long silence after the earth was filled in. Eventually uncomfortable, I broke it by shouting, “All right, who’s hungry?” Those who knew us well enough laughed with me, and we started back home.
I miss Big Lew terribly. I’ll remember him and laugh through my tears every time I spit wash before eating Pesach dinner.
Photo by Kevygee, licensed under Creative Commons.
Read more posts from Issue 09: “What’s So Funny.”
17 Responses to “My Father's Name was Lewis Lander”
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This is a beautiful piece, I’m sure he’s proud and laughing right along. Nice work Ian!
Thank you for this, Ian, it was wonderful to read.
Daddy would definitely be very proud of this article. You did his humor justice and we’ll always remember the “washing of the hands(daddy-style) at Pesach!
Ian, you made me laugh just like your dad did and you brought tears to my eyes, remembering him. You are definitely your fathers’ son.
He called Mom “New York”?!?
That’s love.
Ian, this is such a beautiful tribute to Lew, I know he would be proud of you for sharing this. Wow, two years, only two years and wow, is it two years already? We miss him terribly.
I miss Lew terribly;who else had such a biting sense of humor?We wre visiting Hilary and lew,B.C.(before children)and knowing how we bought designer stuff,he answered the door in a white T-shirt emblazoned in ink YSL.You had to be there.I still smile when I think of it.
Dear Ian I sit here with tears in my eyes and a smile on my face at the same time.
It was a wonderful article and we miss Lew very much.
Love Aunt Susan
Thank you for sharing this. Really a beautiful piece. Had a great time with you last weekend – looking forward to your visit to LA…
Really great job Ian. You totally captured your dad’s spirit in this article. I sent this to my dad and I’m sure he’ll love it when he reads it. My favorite stories are the ones about the crazy pranks they pulled as kids!
Ian, an amazing and truly touching piece. You have many of Lewie’s gifts. I miss him so much. “Big Lew” the undisputed “King of Comedy”
Ian, err thornbush. this put a smile on my face and tears to my eyes. thank you for sharing. and wonderful writing too.
Uncle George and I loved what you wrote. You captured your father’s spirit.
Thanks for this, Ian. I miss him so much too. How did I come upon this? Must have to do with the Vernal Equinox. I love you all: Hilary, Ben, Mara, Ian, Evelyn, George, Susan, Matt. I cry
Stanley! I left you out. Sorry,I love you too!
Happy Spring
To quote my dear Irene,
Spring has sprung, the grass has ris’,
I wonder where the birdie is?
There he is up in the sky,
He dropped some whitewash in my eye!
I‘m alright, I won’t cry,
I’m just glad that cows can’t fly!
My father was not Jewish, but from what I’m reading of Big Lew the Jew, they seem to have been quite alike. I hope there’s a special spot in the beyond for funnymen like our dads.
Grazie saputo questo sito , un livello di nocuité contenuto mi ha veramente eccessivamente interessato.