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Matchmaker of Jewish New York
By Monica Rozenfeld
This interview originally appeared on The Jew Spot.
While working at a staffing agency, Shoshanna Rikon found herself talking to job seekers about their love lives more than their job skills. Running with that (and away from staffing), Shoshanna started her own matchmaking biz at the age of 24.
Now Shoshanna lives for getting people hitched. Featured on Dr. Phil and all over mainstream press, Shoshanna is notably tagged as New York City’s #1 Jewish Matchmaker. How did she get that title? The Jew Spot finds out here.
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How does one, i.e. you, get a career in Jewish matchmaking? Why Jewish?
I started doing Jewish matchmaking 10 years ago. But I’d say I started matching up friends and sorority sisters in college and knew that I had a talent. I not only enjoyed setting my friends up but I also saw that they came to me for advice and council as they were dating.
I started my matchmaking business 10 years ago. My father taught me to specialize in business. When I decided to specialize in Jewish matchmaking, not only did it feel right, but it was comfortable. I knew I could relate to my clients and I would be one of the few services that would specialize in Jewish Matchmaking. I am known as New York City’s Number One Jewish Matchmaker.
You are featured on the film “Matchmakers” which spotlights the history of the matchmaking biz. Can you give us a little history of Jewish matchmaking (since it clearly runs through Jewish veins)?
We (Jews) started the business. Jewish woman have been matchmaking for over 5000 years. In the schettels, the villages, Jewish women would do this as a mitzvah. It’s something you want to do because you care about people and you want to keep the Jewish population growing. It’s key in our religion and culture.
So I want to know what happens after someone makes that initial call, looking for a date.
I sit down with each person for a consultation. The consultation could be from an hour and a half to three hours. Very informal, fun approach. A lot of it is like a therapy session. The goal is to get in there and find out what brought them to the office to begin with. And to see if I can help them. It has to be a mutual decision.
We don’t work with everyone.
What has been the success rate?
I have 109 couples married. Sixty-70 couples exclusive – dating, but not married – which annoys us but we’ll get over it.
Can you tell us about one couple that stands out in the 10 years you’ve been matchmaking?
I remember this guy came into my office and was a little bit crazy. He literally paid cash. And I claimed it, of course.
He met a girl through the service. He didn’t like her. Met the second girl and married her. And the reason why is because he was able to be a kid. He was able to forget about his work, and goof around with her and have a good time. He brought her to Toys ‘R Us in Times Square and he brought her to the Ferris Wheel. He’s like ‘That’s what did it for me, Shoshanna. I was able to be myself and forget about my problems. Forget about work for one day.’
That’s what a relationship should be. They should add pleasure, and lightness, and warm fuzzy feeling.
If I think about all the stories, and all the couples that got married, the women were very positive and happy, and laughed a lot. They had fun with the process. They tried to leave their bag at the door.
People want to be around people who are positive and happy.
Do you ever overlook what people put down as their “ideal” match on their profiles because you feel despite what they wrote on paper, they would actually be a great match?
If someone has given I an impossible, unrealistic idea of the perfect soul mate, we can’t work with them.
In order to work with me, you need to trust my judgement, to know that I have your best interest. And to just go with what I think is right for you.
Most of the time I can work with your criteria. Other times it’s really impossible and we’ll be honest with that person.
Let’s be honest. Has there ever been a time you’ve set someone up, and thought, ‘Why did I do that? It was the worst set up in history’.
Well, I can’t say it’s because of my work, Monica. (Cute.)
I think it’s because of the date itself, which we can’t predict. We can’t predict chemistry. We can predict compatibility, and that’s really it. If someone says something odd, or a little off the hook, it will just go down hill.
There was a really cute couple, but he was cheap. I’ll come right out and say it. He wouldn’t even buy her a drink. I was like alright, you’re done.
Not every date is smooth sailing. It’s a numbers game. The more you put yourself out there, the more you’ll win. I don’t want to hear someone has one date every two weeks.
Aside from not sleeping with the date the first night, what other advice you got for us?
Have an open mind. If you have such a huge list, it will never happen. Let more people in. Have fun. Don’t be afraid to show interest on a first date.
Looking at your date in the eyes is very sexy and alluring and shows that you’re interested in the person. Laugh at his jokes; even the bad ones. Maybe you like him, but he doesn’t have the best sense of humor. So what? He’ll get funny. Or maybe he won’t. But be engaged in conversation.
Let’s talk about this stigma of going to a matchmaker. What would you say to someone (like me) who is waiting to trip over prince charming?
A lot of people think there’s a stigma. ‘I must be desperate to use a matchmaker.’ That’s not the case. It’s discreet. It’s private. It’s personal. It’s a personalized approach. You work with a friend. I guarantee people who fit their described criteria dates.
So the saying goes, shoemaker’s children don’t always have shoes (or something like that). Does the matchmaker always have a match? Does matchmaking interfere with your own love life?
Sometimes. When you go on dates and you hear weird things, you’re like what? Come again? This is what I lecture on.
I have this strong intuition, able to deal with different personalities and people by feeling them out. I can read facial expressions, which I think is a gift. I can read people’s body language. I can sense disappointment in someone’s face. I can also sense joy.
Do you tell your dates this? It can be awfully intimidating.
Sure I have. Why did you waste my time? It’s Saturday night.
Has there ever been a male client you were interested in yourself?
Of course. I’m human.
I’ve never asked them out. Never went on a date with them. But I’ve been like WOW! WHOA! But that just means if I’m hot for this guy, my clients will be too.
And with that, we close up this interview. Shoshanna is a riot. Even if you don’t need a date, you should sign up for a consult just to meet her. More info at www.shoshannasmatches.com.
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Photo by mrhayata, licensed under Creative Commons.
Tags: couples, love, matchmaking
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