Alef: The NEXT Conversation

What is a Jewish Intellectual?

By S. Plotner

“The Jews have the best average brain of any people in the world…They are peculiarly and conspicuously the world’s intellectual aristocracy.” (Mark Twain’s Notebook, 1935, p. 151)

We Jews are often associated with “intellectualism.” Whether a Jewish intellectual conjures up images of college professors and doctors or of crazy-haired individuals toting pocket protectors and slide rulers, one thing is clear: there’s many a Jewish mamma who would be thrilled to have their child get into Mensa. I know my mom was.

Yes, I am in Mensa, and no, we don’t have secret handshakes (but we do have bad jokes), and no, we do not all look like Einstein. We are fat, skinny, old, and young. Some of us look like we spend our Saturday nights on Geek Patrol and some of us look just like your neighbor. So, there must be a Jew or two…right?

The first time I went to a Mensa meeting, I was greeted by a very nice, older woman (We’ll call her Rachel).

“Want to volunteer?” she asked. After being there for only a few hours, I was already getting involved.

“Sure.” I gave her my information and spelled my last name: P-L-O-T-N-E-R.

Upon hearing it, she paused and said, “That is a very interesting name…”

Another long pause. Prolonged eye contact.

“Is that Jewish?” she asked.

I panicked.

You are probably wondering why I would freak out when a nice lady named Rachel asked me if my name was Jewish. We’re just playing the Jewish Name Game, right?

Right. But the problem is: I converted. Yes, I said it: I am a Jew-by-Choice. My name isn’t Jewish; it just sounds that way. Plotner. Jewish, right? Right, but not for the reason you might have thought.

Not wanting to launch into a saga of my personal history with a woman I had just met, I had to think up a way to answer the question.

“No,” I said, “It’s actually a German name, but yes, I am Jewish.”

Without skipping a beat, Rachel said, “Nice, I am Jewish too! Wow, now there are three of us in our district.” Then she paused, and half-jokingly said, “Yeah, watch out, we’re going to take over the world.”

“Wait a minute,” I thought, “There are only 2 other Jews in my district? I thought we Jews were the ‘world’s intellectual aristocracy.’ Where did everybody go? Are they hiding?” Never mind that I myself broke the Jewish stereotype, I was too busy wondering what had happened to my stereotype.

Before I could find an answer, Rachel began telling me about her life, her children, and how her mother had miraculously survived the Holocaust. I listed, saddened by the story and amazed that so many years later, I was talking to its outcome.

Some time after meeting Rachel, I decided to look up my last name just to see she why assumed it was Jewish. I found a list of Jewish-German names online: Ploss, Plotke, Plotzheim. No Plotner. Hmm. Maybe there was a similar sounding one under “B”?

Blath. Blatt. Blättner. My heart stopped. My surname, Plotner, was originally Blättner before my great grandparents came to the States, where it was changed during immigration. Everyone I’ve ever known in my family was Christian, but…was there a Jew in there after all?

The paucity of Jews in Mensa had distracted me so much at the time that I have only now realized that as a Jew-by-Choice and professor with a Jewish last name, I am an unlikely fit for the stereotype.

It’s ironic that I worried about sharing my conversion story with this complete stranger who had no qualms about sharing her Jewish identity with me. I am not a Torah scholar, and maybe Rachel isn’t either, but what I learned from a cheerful, outgoing Jewish matriarch about being Jewish was … well, I still need to figure that one out.

So what is being a “Jewish intellectual” all about? Your guess is as good as mine.

Read more posts from Issue #10: “Geniushood.”

Photo by eflon, licensed under Creative Commons.

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