Alef: The NEXT Conversation
New Years, New Resolutions
by Meredith Druss
Last Monday was my birthday. I’ve finally hit 25 and with it, all the quarter-century crises attached to the nuanced age. Having a September birthday, I’m often looking towards my next year at the same time the Jewish community is looking towards our new year. Falling near, if not on, one of the holiest days of the Jewish calendar, causes me to reflect a little deeper during my birthday: Did I accomplish everything I wanted to? Am I happy with the direction of my life? Do I still have the same core values? What do I want to change about myself in the upcoming year?
This month, for me, has always been filled with renewal and reflection. Therefore, as my first contribution to the Alef Love Column, I bring you four years of my New Year’s resolutions. Being Jewish gives us two New Years each calendar year, which means we get a second chance to look back and declare a resolution. As I share my reflections on the past four years of resolutions, I welcome any feedback, guidance, or advice from readers on what your resolutions may be. Beware, there may be a little TMI…
JUST SAY YES – New Years 2008
Winters in New York are rough. Add to that a recent break-up and unemployment, and that’s the situation I found myself in as I Auld Lang Syne-d my way into 2009. Friends of mine can attest that I’m a fairly happy person, but depression sets in quickly when you have no reason to leave your tiny NYC apartment.
The terms: Unless I had something better to do (and sleep does not count), I had to say ‘Yes’ (within my means/values/morals). “Meredith, will you be my wingman at this friend-of-a-friend’s party?” “Hey, you’re cute, can I take you out for a drink?” “Mer, will you join this kickball league with me?” That winter, I made new friends and nurtured old friendships, repelled a cloud of depression, got better acquainted with New York City, and yep, went on dates (this is the love column, right?). Lots of them. Having to say “yes” wouldn’t let me get away with judging guys at first sight. And trite as it may sound, the lesson was learned. There are some great guys who aren’t packaged in a buttoned-down shirt and Ivy league degree. Sometimes the dork in a kickball shirt dancing to Britney ends up being a Jewish boy-next-door type with Mets season tickets, the same taste in music, and a incredible sense of humor.
RSVP ‘YES’ – Rosh Hashanah 5770 & New Years 2009
Just saying ‘Yes’ is exhausting. Rosh Hashanah 5770 let me amend it a little bit. New terms: RSVP ‘Yes’. No balking on an official invite and be open to invitations for new or out-of-the-box things.
FIVE – Rosh Hashanah 5771
As one can imagine, Just Say / RSVP ‘Yes’ has it’s repercussions. Finding myself single after being in a very serious relationship throughout college had me saying yes without being too discriminatory. Faced with a similar situation, my friend L joined me and we ushered in Rosh Hashanah 5771 together with a new resolution: five
The terms: Quality, not quantity. We were not allowed to get involved with more than 5 guys this year. L and I are both passionate and emotional, so who was really worthy of an emotional investment? Which guys are the ones who deserved to be laughed over, cried over, and everything in between? Thanks to five for proving that it’s not the one at the bar telling you “You’re gorgeous, but I’m not sure your haircut does you justice…” It’s not an ex either, we know where those stories end. For us to waste a number on you…you’d better be worth it, and in the process, we figured out what was most important to us.
RAISE THE BAR – New Years 2011
In NYC it’s easy to get into a rut. You found a nice, polite, cute Jewish guy with similar interests and lives within walking distance of your apartment?! He’s a keeper. NYC is a city of convenience. In 2011, it was definitely time to raise the bar.
The terms: Evaluate your situation and set your expectations higher. He was boring (we broke up). Under-appreciated and over-worked? Ask for that raise (I got it!). Be kind, even on the mean streets of NYC (all it takes is a smile). When the status quo is comfortable, it’s tough to pull yourself out of it. After raising the bar for myself, I saw that people looked at me in higher esteem. Knowing that I wouldn’t settle, they respected my decisions and conversely, raised their own expectations of themselves.
Judaism allows us to make two fresh starts a year, and I’ve found it’s the perfect opportunity to renew my past commitments or alter my values and the direction of my life. With 5772 just around the corner, I’m open to suggestions for a new resolution and catch-phrase, but I know that I’ll get the opportunity to revisit it in a couple of months…for 2012!
Photo provided by the author.
New Years Resolutions
By Emily Comisar
Only hours remain until the clock strikes midnight on the year 2009 and, just like everyone else, I am left to reflect on what the year has brought and all that I wish to accomplish in 2010. For me, this year in particular brought with it many changes: the separation from a beloved significant other, a new job, and an apartment of my own. When the time comes to decide upon my New Years resolution, I have to wonder what else I could (and should) ask of myself in the coming months. Could I stand to lose five pounds? Sure. Keep my house cleaner? Definitely. Call my widowed grandmother more often? Don’t get my father started.
I’ve always made it a point to never make resolutions about my weight, and cleaning my house from top to bottom sounds exhausting. I should really call my grandmother more often, but I’m not sure that’s enough to justify the weight of the “New Years Resolution,” something that, as a Jewish person, I have the joy and burden of doing twice a year. Yes, Rosh Hashanah is already months past and our hearts and minds have moved on to cheerier, less spiritually-taxing holidays, but after all the ups and downs of the last twelve months, I am determined to make both 5770 and 2010 years to remember.
My quest for the perfect resolution has led me, naturally, to my immediate family–the people who know me best and love me despite all my flaws that need correcting. Unfortunately my brothers, both of whom pulled all-nighters the Friday after Thanksgiving, are drowning in final papers and exams at University and have started screening my calls. My mother–to her credit–is a newly born small-business owner. So, although she takes my calls, she has more important things to think about. My father always provides a listening ear, but his only advice to me for the last six years has been “out nice ‘em.” I’m not so sure that this applies here.
My friends, on the other hand, are extremely opinionated individuals. For that I take pride in their presence in my life, but I wonder if certain decisions at this point are better left to me and me alone. I reflect and refract, think of everything that has happened right-side-up and up-side-down, and wonder where have I been and where am I going. What do I keep and what do I throw out the window?
Suddenly it occurs to me: Rosh Hashanah, the other white meat. The timing of the Jewish New Year this September brought me to an unexpected decision mid-calendar year. After resting on my creative laurels for too many months while pursuing a paycheck with health insurance, I told myself that I was going to step up and really, truly make the effort to bring my writerly aspirations to fruition. “Is that still important to me, a few months later?” I wonder, and the answer is yes, it absolutely is. Suddenly the burden of the second New Years Resolution is lifted. It is not burdensome that I must think like this twice a year as a person whose faith and culture revolve around a second calendar; it is a gift. I have been given the opportunity to renew my resolution from 90 days ago and enter 2010 reinvigorated and certain of what I want to get out of the coming months. Who knows, maybe I’ll lose five pounds, clean my apartment, and call my grandmother as well.
Photo by Robbert van der Steeg, licensed under Creative Commons.
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