By Danielle Weisberg

You might think that being young and single in a big city would make it easier to meet that special someone, but actually it can make it more difficult. Big cities equal too many options – too many other cute girls and guys to compete with in the bars. There’s fierce competition to stand out and it’s hard to just go up to any cute guy in a bar. Oh, and I think I may have forgotten to include the most important bit of information, I’m looking for someone Jewish.

One night, seeking advice from my mother— who didn’t date in the bars during her single years— she offered to set me up, but after a few minutes of brainstorming, we realized she didn’t know anyone who would be a good fit for me who was Jewish and lived in my city seeing as she lived hundreds of miles away in Kentucky. She then suggested I ask a trusted friend to set me up with someone they felt would be compatible.

Seeing as I was still new to the city, I didn’t have many close Jewish friends to help me in my search. I still took my mother’s advice by turning to my other dearest, good friend— my computer. I took the plunge and joined a Jewish dating site— it was a bitter-sweet feeling. On the one hand, I felt bitter that I wasn’t able to find anyone on my own, but I was also excited to open up a new door of opportunities.

I started off by taking the time to construct my profile, carefully picking out and flaunting anything and everything good about myself that I could possibly think of. Then I decided to edit it a little and be real, feeling I should create my profile truthfully as I am, as a sweet little Jewish girl! I also tried to make it so that my profile would stand out from the rest— in the best way possible. I made sure to omit any negatives, leaving the men to figure them out themselves according to their own opinions.

After I hit the “Save And Submit” button, the e-mails flowed in like crazy. It felt exhilarating! It was as if I was fresh bait, (gefilte fish to be exact), and the boys were ready to bite! I received cute e-mails, funny e-mails and yes, weird ones. I was definitely a sucker for the clever and humorous e-mails, but didn’t just gloss over the nice and cheesy. There were guys who wrote some good e-mails, but after skimming through their profile, I just didn’t feel we would have a connection. Either the attraction wasn’t there, or they just weren’t someone I was looking for in a future husband. I learned pretty quickly that you have to keep at it to meet the right one online. Just like dating in a big city, it takes work finding your beshert.

Which brings me to my first piece of advice: If you send an e-mail and don’t get a response, try not to take it personally, just get over it, and move on. You don’t really know the real person anyway and they probably weren’t right for you in the first place. Dating sites can be brutal, but it comes with the price of being online, having it less personal. Do not continue writing the same girl asking her to give you a chance or asking why she didn’t respond. It doesn’t make us want you anymore than we did before.

Danielle Weisberg is the co-creator of the latest Jewish dating website, TheJMom.com. The idea for the site was born out of Danielle’s mother, Barbara’s, desire to look at her online dating profile and search the site to see if she could find the perfect guy for her daughter. The Jewish mothers matchmaking network, connects caring parents throughout the U.S. with the hopes of finding their son/daughter their beshert. With just 3 easy steps your mom can help you find a lifetime of love and happiness.

Photo by Neal, licensed under Creative Commons.

By Monica Rozenfeld
This interview originally appeared on The Jew Spot.

While working at a staffing agency, Shoshanna Rikon found herself talking to job seekers about their love lives more than their job skills. Running with that (and away from staffing), Shoshanna started her own matchmaking biz at the age of 24.

Now Shoshanna lives for getting people hitched. Featured on Dr. Phil and all over mainstream press, Shoshanna is notably tagged as New York City’s #1 Jewish Matchmaker. How did she get that title? The Jew Spot finds out here.

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How does one, i.e. you, get a career in Jewish matchmaking? Why Jewish?

I started doing Jewish matchmaking 10 years ago. But I’d say I started matching up friends and sorority sisters in college and knew that I had a talent. I not only enjoyed setting my friends up but I also saw that they came to me for advice and council as they were dating.

I started my matchmaking business 10 years ago. My father taught me to specialize in business. When I decided to specialize in Jewish matchmaking, not only did it feel right, but it was comfortable. I knew I could relate to my clients and I would be one of the few services that would specialize in Jewish Matchmaking. I am known as New York City’s Number One Jewish Matchmaker.

You are featured on the film “Matchmakers” which spotlights the history of the matchmaking biz. Can you give us a little history of Jewish matchmaking (since it clearly runs through Jewish veins)?

We (Jews) started the business. Jewish woman have been matchmaking for over 5000 years. In the schettels, the villages, Jewish women would do this as a mitzvah. It’s something you want to do because you care about people and you want to keep the Jewish population growing. It’s key in our religion and culture.

So I want to know what happens after someone makes that initial call, looking for a date.

I sit down with each person for a consultation. The consultation could be from an hour and a half to three hours. Very informal, fun approach. A lot of it is like a therapy session. The goal is to get in there and find out what brought them to the office to begin with. And to see if I can help them. It has to be a mutual decision.

We don’t work with everyone.

What has been the success rate?

I have 109 couples married. Sixty-70 couples exclusive – dating, but not married – which annoys us but we’ll get over it.

Can you tell us about one couple that stands out in the 10 years you’ve been matchmaking?

I remember this guy came into my office and was a little bit crazy. He literally paid cash. And I claimed it, of course.

He met a girl through the service. He didn’t like her. Met the second girl and married her. And the reason why is because he was able to be a kid. He was able to forget about his work, and goof around with her and have a good time. He brought her to Toys ‘R Us in Times Square and he brought her to the Ferris Wheel. He’s like ‘That’s what did it for me, Shoshanna. I was able to be myself and forget about my problems. Forget about work for one day.’

That’s what a relationship should be. They should add pleasure, and lightness, and warm fuzzy feeling.

If I think about all the stories, and all the couples that got married, the women were very positive and happy, and laughed a lot. They had fun with the process. They tried to leave their bag at the door.

People want to be around people who are positive and happy.

Do you ever overlook what people put down as their “ideal” match on their profiles because you feel despite what they wrote on paper, they would actually be a great match?

If someone has given I an impossible, unrealistic idea of the perfect soul mate, we can’t work with them.

In order to work with me, you need to trust my judgement, to know that I have your best interest. And to just go with what I think is right for you.

Most of the time I can work with your criteria. Other times it’s really impossible and we’ll be honest with that person.

Let’s be honest. Has there ever been a time you’ve set someone up, and thought, ‘Why did I do that? It was the worst set up in history’.

Well, I can’t say it’s because of my work, Monica. (Cute.)

I think it’s because of the date itself, which we can’t predict. We can’t predict chemistry. We can predict compatibility, and that’s really it. If someone says something odd, or a little off the hook, it will just go down hill.

There was a really cute couple, but he was cheap. I’ll come right out and say it. He wouldn’t even buy her a drink. I was like alright, you’re done.

Not every date is smooth sailing. It’s a numbers game. The more you put yourself out there, the more you’ll win. I don’t want to hear someone has one date every two weeks.

Aside from not sleeping with the date the first night, what other advice you got for us?

Have an open mind. If you have such a huge list, it will never happen. Let more people in. Have fun. Don’t be afraid to show interest on a first date.

Looking at your date in the eyes is very sexy and alluring and shows that you’re interested in the person. Laugh at his jokes; even the bad ones. Maybe you like him, but he doesn’t have the best sense of humor. So what? He’ll get funny. Or maybe he won’t. But be engaged in conversation.

Let’s talk about this stigma of going to a matchmaker. What would you say to someone (like me) who is waiting to trip over prince charming?

A lot of people think there’s a stigma. ‘I must be desperate to use a matchmaker.’ That’s not the case. It’s discreet. It’s private. It’s personal. It’s a personalized approach. You work with a friend. I guarantee people who fit their described criteria dates.

So the saying goes, shoemaker’s children don’t always have shoes (or something like that). Does the matchmaker always have a match? Does matchmaking interfere with your own love life?

Sometimes. When you go on dates and you hear weird things, you’re like what? Come again? This is what I lecture on.

I have this strong intuition, able to deal with different personalities and people by feeling them out. I can read facial expressions, which I think is a gift. I can read people’s body language. I can sense disappointment in someone’s face. I can also sense joy.

Do you tell your dates this? It can be awfully intimidating.

Sure I have. Why did you waste my time? It’s Saturday night.

Has there ever been a male client you were interested in yourself?

Of course. I’m human.

I’ve never asked them out. Never went on a date with them. But I’ve been like WOW! WHOA! But that just means if I’m hot for this guy, my clients will be too.

And with that, we close up this interview. Shoshanna is a riot. Even if you don’t need a date, you should sign up for a consult just to meet her. More info at www.shoshannasmatches.com.

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Photo by mrhayata, licensed under Creative Commons.