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The Accidental Bat Mitzvah


by Emily Comisar

siddur_chajmIt was the second Shabbat on my Taglit-Birthright Israel Trip in December 2006. I was twenty-one and the only member of the young adult generation of my family not to become a bar or bat mitzvah–a fact that I had already come to peace with years earlier. My Northwestern University bus had been traveling in caravan with a UCSD bus for days now and together some of our shared cohort was having a B’nai Mitzvah, an event not uncharacteristic of the trips, from what I hear.

I watched as the students were presented to the make-shift congregation and, donning kippot and tallit, each read an aliya, the blessing before and after reading haftarah. That was it. Within seconds, each had become a bar or bat mitzvah.

Not having known that this was all it took to become a Bar or Bat Mitzvah, I was stunned. Not only was this blessing one that I recognized, it was one that I knew forward and backward because I had recited it on my Hillel’s makeshift bimah every time I went to Saturday morning services. I was a bat mitzvah. I had been a bat mitzvah for nearly four years and had absolutely no idea.

My first reaction was to feel like a failure as a Jew. What kind of bat mitzvah doesn’t do a mitzvah project, make a speech, or worse, have any recollection of her Torah portion? I don’t remember exactly when it was, or who was there, or what I was wearing that day. My Bat Mitzvah was essentially meaningless. I’ve botched a few things in my life but this one, I thought, was a big time screw up.

I look back at that moment now and have to laugh a little. Many cultures have a coming-of-age ritual–the Bar Mitzvah is just one in a long list that includes confirmation, quinceanera, and rumspringa. Note though, that all of these rituals take place during the middle teenage years. All of them. Could I really expect to have felt as if I had come into adulthood at the age of twenty-one, by participating in a ceremony that is designed for budding thirteen year-olds?

The year I turned thirteen, I attended my third middle school (in as many years), made my first Jewish friends ever (some of whom I still have now), and became a full member of the community that shaped me into the person I am today. Doesn’t get much more Bat Mitzvah than that.

Photo by Chajm, licensed under Creative Commons.

Read more posts from Issue #13: Bar Mitzvah Season.

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Seduction in the Land of Israel


By Ruby Marez

I wouldn’t say that SoldierI’m a slut, but when I travel abroad I get a little “loose” with the locals. For months I’ll shut myself off to men in my own city to preserve myself for the foreign fling that lies ahead of me. On my flight to Israel on a Birthright Israel trip, I told fellow participants that I signed up for Birthright to do two things: 1) Summit Masada 2) Make out with a soldier.

When Ari first walked on the bus I didn’t notice him. I was too overwhelmed by all the other good looking men in uniform (soldiers from the Israeli Defense Forces that had joined our bus for a few days) to focus on any one of them. But later, I felt someone watching me. When I turned to give my “what the fuck are you staring at” New Yorker look, I felt an intense heat from his gaze and quickly turned away. I then turned back to see what made me react so suddenly. There he was, unapologetically examining me through his Ray-Ban knockoffs. Now, I couldn’t look away. Our eyes tightly locked into each other like a Chinese finger trap. My defensive wall quickly crumbled. I stood there staring right back at him thinking to myself, Oh my God! This guy is hot!

Our trip leader broke us up into small groups and asked each soldier to join a group so we could interview them to learn more about serving in the IDF. Ari confidently strutted over to my group, not breaking eye contact with me and introduced himself. Pen and paper in hand, I wrote down every word of what he said:

“He is a 2nd ranked Lieutenant in the IDF. He was originally from the Soviet Union and moved to Israel when he was nine years old. He has one brother and one sister. He got his degree in chemical engineering. He learned English by watching American movies like The Breakfast Club. His favorite music is hip-hop. His dream travel destination is Hawaii, he went to England once on a class trip and the only thing he remembers about it is the food sucking. His version of Shabbat is going out to a dance club and drinking. He loves watching TV; specifically Prison Break, South Park and occasionally Sex and the City.”

Not only was this guy smokin’ but we had a lot in common! Later on, we talked about which South Park character was most similar to ourselves, and we both said Cartman! It was a match made in heaven.

After knowing each other for a mere eight hours, I already felt that it was time to take our relationship to the next level. Now, normally I am not this easy. Usually before any sexual activity occurs I make guys take me out to dinner, meet my friends, do a blood test, etc.

But in Israel, the ever-present threat of war and terrorism while doing something so commonplace as getting a cup of coffee, makes you want to disregard those rules. I mean, we could have died any second – there wasn’t any time for playing hard-to-get!

We went back to his room at the kibbutz. Two sleeping Americans were on a bunk bed in the room, but I wasn’t going to let that stop us. Ari grabbed my face, pulled me in for a kiss and lifted my body on top of his. A passionate, hormone-driven episode soon followed. My clothes were ripped off me from every direction. It felt like we were electric, setting off sparks, and likely waking up the sleeping Americans. In order to keep it down, and to have some more fun, we promptly moved to the showers. After what felt like hours of good, clean fun, he walked me back to my room at the kibbutz and kissed me gently on the cheek while whispering “Until tomorrow ” in my ear.

Cut to the following evening. Shabbat. After a rowdy group game of “never have I ever,” Ari and I snuck off to fulfill a never-have-I ever sex on the stairs. And not just any stairs, the top of the fire escape stairway in the King David hotel in Jerusalem. Now I always thought the stairs would be a clunky, uncomfortable location to fornicate, and I envisioned losing my balance, falling backwards, cracking open my skull and later having a very difficult time covering up the real reason of how I injured myself to my parents. Staircase sex seemed like something you see in movies: very well choreographed but not possible for your own klutzy, civilian limbs to handle. It just seemed like it would be difficult and painful. However, as I had learned that evening, hotel towels can provide excellent padding for your knees…and your spinal column.

You know that kind of unfortunate sex that seems to plague many American men? Well, Ari knew better. He started with a slow Mediterranean movements. We had our own rhythmic Rumba and he again waited for me to climax…twice, before he even thought about coming to the finish line.

While this was happening, I looked over his shoulder and saw from the staircase windows the Old City of Jerusalem, lit up in a golden glimmer. It seemed as even God was giving us his blessing. At the very lease, he certainly was providing excellent mood lighting for our activities. As I had found out earlier that night, having sex on Shabbat was a mitzvah! Well, we mitzvahed three times that night. I was earning some major points with the big man.

You see, observance of mitzvot gives the promise of living an enlightened and meaningful existence. Which to me means I was not being “slutty” – I was being religious! By some standards, I was practically a saint (even though Jews technically don’t believe in saints) – I was doing what God wanted of me. Or so I told myself.

Now, from an outsider’s perspective, this all might sound exciting and maybe a bit tawdry, but that is not why I write this story. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was being myself and that someone finally appreciated it – the good, crabby, and ugly parts of me. And believe me, there were days on that trip where I was butt ugly. For the first time, I had experienced lust at first sight and had real chemistry with someone. He was the first man I had ever been with who didn’t mind my sarcasm or dark sense of humor. He actually enjoyed it and would reply back with something even darker.

Before him, I felt like there was no one out there who understood me. I didn’t have to tone myself down. He wanted unfiltered, potty-mouthed, sexually adventurous Ruby. I have heard that real love is about loving someone without wanting to change them. Ari accepted me and adored me for who I was; which gave me hope that there is someone else in this world meant for me (hopefully living within a 35 mile radius of me). For that, I have a special place in my heart for him and for Israel.

Photo by el asso wipo, licensed under Creative Commons.

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Receive up to $10,000 to Change the World


Birthright Israel NEXT/Natan Grants

 

The editors of Alef promise not to do too much direct marketing for the Birthright Israel NEXT programs, but there’s one that we feel is too good to pass up. Birthright Israel NEXT is teaming up with Natan to offer the Birthright Israel NEXT/Natan Grant for Social Entreprenuers. The grant is open to any young Jewish adult (under the age of 30) with an idea for a new initiative or long-term program that focuses on strengthening or creating vibrant Jewish community. The terms are pretty open, and up to $10,000 is available per grant. As the NEXT programming team has been billing it: “Make your great Jewish idea a reality.”

Applications are due October 1, 2009. For more information visit www.birthrightisrael.com/grants

 

 

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