Alef: The NEXT Conversation

Years ago, likely somewhere in a college philosophy class or something of that ilk, I heard the term “colorblind.” I recall a heated discussion over what it meant, if it was a positive or negative term, how it applied in today’s society, etc. Surprising to likely everyone in that class, I didn’t volunteer my own opinions that day, instead choosing to spend the ninety minutes mulling over in my mind what I thought the term meant.

Walking home that afternoon, I decided that, for me, colorblind is a positive expression, extending far beyond racial terms and simply denoting what it means to look beyond any one person’s singular defining traits and focusing, instead, on who he or she actually is as an individual: his beliefs, her life experiences, how all of it works in combination to create a dynamic, and sometimes extraordinary, human.

All of this sounds great, right? Like I’ve figured it all out and I’m simply riding high on a different plane, one that allows me to truly see the good in everyone and turn my nose (albeit, a classically Jewish one) up to stereotypes. I’m the first to tell you, however, that I’ve failed myself on a number of occasions; though the recent prolonged failure and subsequent journey to a better place of understanding has yielded a number of lessons.

Throughout last year, I was contracting at a local non-profit and ran their employment division. The focus of this group was to “give a hand up, not a handout” to low-income, minority families who truly wanted to rise above and beyond their current respective situations. I could talk about the stereotypes I saw down at the Sullivan Center while spending the better part of a year working there 40+ hours a week. I’d tell you all about the shockingly young mothers, the gang members (sadly denoted by the teardrop tattoos that I hope will cease haunting my dreams), the illiterate-yet-still-so-brilliant and completely self-taught engineers, accountants, and caregivers with whom I met. Truth be told, all of that was completely fascinating to me but not where I learned my biggest lessons. Beyond the first few days of being completely out of my comfort zone, remaining colorblind to the population with which I worked was not the problem.

The brains behind the Sullivan Center and its’ amazing work is Sister Marie Sullivan, a Roman Catholic nun from the Dominican order.  Walking in my first day, I found that I was reflecting not as much on being in a less-than-stellar part of town but rather on whether or not everything I’d heard about nuns was true. What’s more, I was wondering quite a bit about what she would think of me, a Jewish girl whose version of a poverty vow is stalking GroupOn/Half-Off Depot/ScoutMob to find amazing spa/sushi/house-cleaning deals.

Now, I don’t know about most anyone else but my knowledge of all things “nun” was based either in Hollywood movies (Sister Act, Doubt, etc.) or the stories my Catholic friends told me about the habit-wearing, ruler-wielding, disciplinarians from their childhoods. These thoughts were jumbled around in my mind those first few weeks, confused by the fact that neither Sister Marie nor the other nun on staff, Sister Carol, wore habits. In fact, to those who didn’t already know, the Sisters appeared to be the nicest of grandmotherly types, true bubbes but with crosses around their necks instead of Stars of David.

Throughout the summer months after first starting there, I found it difficult to see past my preconceived notions, focusing on the “Sister” part of Sisters Marie and Carol and not truly seeing Marie and Carol for the brilliantly amazing people they are. Who are these people? I kept wondering to myself on the drive home. Why did they make the career—and life—choices they did? How the heck does one give up…everything?

Oddly enough, I think what finally broke me of me my nun stereotype were the meals we shared. Unlike in previous jobs where everyone was expected to chow down in their cubicle while still working, Sister Marie prided herself on taking a true lunch break every day and soon began to invite me to sit down with her. At first I resisted, holding tight to my previous workplace ways; soon, however, I gave in and the magic started. As it so happened, my first lunch with Sister Marie occurred not long after I returned from my Birthright trip; all she wanted to hear about was what I saw, did, ate, and how much I loved Israel. Forgetting our differences for a few minutes, I couldn’t help but gush about my time there, showed her pictures from Jerusalem when we walked around a church site central to Catholicism, and laughed about the camel rides that she couldn’t believe we took. Our talks about Israel soon gave way to discussions on Middle Eastern politics altogether, as well as the similarities and differences between Jews, Catholics, and Muslims. Sister Carol eventually joined in, ultimately letting go of her hard exterior to reveal one of the more hilarious (and dynamic) personalities I’ve ever encountered.

As the summer months gave way to a blustery fall and winter, I found that I was looking forward to spending time with the Sisters, both separately and together. Individually, they taught me about what it was like to take major leaps of faith and literally plunk one’s self into a life of extreme faith; realizing this lead me to I wonder if I could have ever done the same. What’s more, each one of them spoke to me about her personal questions and issues with Catholicism, and allowed me to do the same with Judaism. I learned about the different Catholic tenets from them and Sister Carol still loves to ask me about the different Jewish holidays, always making me laugh when she apologizes for not already knowing about them. Oy! I should apologize for basing my beliefs of nuns on Hollywood movies.

I stopped contracting for The Sullivan Center on a full-time basis a few months ago to pay more attention to my own growing company, but I am forever grateful for the time I spent not only working with the clients but also learning from Sisters Marie and Carol. I’m not perfect at remaining colorblind to blatant stereotypes nor have I ever claimed to be; I am, however, a work in progress.

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Emily Kapit is a career coach and blogger, concentrating on young professionals in search for a meaningful career. You can learn more at her website ReFresh Your Step.

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Photo by paddymccann, licensed under Creative Commons

Read more posts from Issue 20: Stereotypes.