Alef: The NEXT Conversation

Why I Support Gay Rights

By Danielle Selber

In my sophomore year of college, I had two awards stuck to my dorm room cork board: One was from Chabad, thanking me for my dedication to Jewish student life on campus. The other was from QUAD (Queers United Against Discrimination), crowning me “Best Fag Hag.”

In Judaism, we use the verb “keep” to explain many of our religious practices. Someone “keeps Shabbat,” “keeps kosher,” or “keeps Passover.” Well, I keep all those things, and one more: I keep trying to explain to people how it is possible to keep all those things, and still support gay rights.

In the Torah, Leviticus 18:22 is pretty explicit: “A man shall not lie with a man; to do so is an abomination.” Just for good measure, the Torah reaffirms its point a few lines later in Leviticus 20:13: “And if a man lie with mankind, as with womankind, both of them have committed abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.”

I would never call myself “religious,” but I do believe the content of the Torah is true and written by G-d. These lines of Leviticus aren’t like some other Torah verses that we can debate the semantics of or interpret in multiple ways. It’s all there, in plain, simple Hebrew: homosexual relations are forbidden and, in ancient times, punishable by death. How, then, do I relegate what I know in my heart to be true with what is written in the document I hold as sacred?

If I could sit down for a cup of coffee with G-d, this is the only question I would ask him. I would ask him to please explain to me how the G-d I know – one who is full of compassion, mercy, fair judgment, and divine, abundant loving-kindness – could set aside a whole slew of people for something he himself gave them.

And that’s another point of contention – while some believe that being gay is a choice, I believe it is a G-d-given, inherent, and genetic quality, and the same holds true for transgendered, transsexual, asexual, and bisexual individuals. Those who come out do so at a huge personal sacrifice and at the expense of their relationships and livelihood. No person would chose to live a life full of stigma and social disgrace. A child like Thomasina who felt like he was the wrong gender his entire life and now lives happily as a 9-year-old girl has not been influenced by the media or society. She feels something in her bones that is true and genuine, and I believe she is right.

And then, there is gay marriage. I am for gay marriage because I believe that gay couples should have the same access to rights as I will when I get married – joint wills, tax breaks, hospital visits, and equal responsibility for shared children. Imposing on the religious beliefs of those who do not support gay marriage would be as bad as imposing on the rights of gays to marry, so I’m not asking for Judaism to change its laws or to allow gay marriage. Marriage can be a secular right, with the papers being signed at city hall. The conventional notion that gay marriage will corrupt the “sacred institute of marriage” in our society is laughable. Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce and our celebrity culture has corrupted marriage to an unrecognizable point. Marriage is a legal construct, first and foremost, and everyone should have equal access to those rights.

A Reconstructionist rabbi once told me he “believes that the Torah is written by G-d but has the fingerprints of man all over it.” In my dream world, the lines condemning homosexuality were added by man and not placed in the Torah by G-d. But in my heart, I know this is probably not true. I don’t have an answer to my own questions. My hope and belief is that when my children are my age, the idea of discriminating against a person because of their sexuality will sound as absurd to them as racism does to me. I believe gay rights are the civil rights of my generation, and just as I hope I would have marched with Dr. King, I have commit to marching alongside gay rights activists. The Torah defines my values, yet gay rights are a value I hold true. So, G-d, whenever you’re free, I’d love to have that cup of coffee.

Danielle Selber is a fellow with Birthright Israel NEXT in Philadelphia and loves every minute of it. She especially enjoys creating volunteering projects, cooking endless Shabbat dinners and spending time at our summer shorehouse.

Photo by CarbonNYC, licensed under Creative Commons.

Read more posts from the Gay Pride issue.

Tags: Ally, gay, pride, rights

Posted by Sarah, Tuesday, June 8th, 2010, 12:04 pm, Gay Pride.