Alef: The NEXT Conversation
I Am Party Mix
By Ruby Marez
I started writing this intro after a particularly horrific experience. I had just broken up with a Hispanic guy after he told me he didn’t want to join me and my Israeli friends on a trip to Coney Island because he didn’t want to “go to the beach and hang out with Shylock and Company.” My jaw had never dropped harder to the floor. Not knowing he secretly harbored resentment and prejudice towards Jews I was stunned, horrified, and in a panic. Without a second of hesitation I told him off and dumped him right there for perpetuating anti-Semitic stereotypes, callously dismissing and putting down my friends, and mostly for disrespecting himself.
You might think this situation would send me running back into the muscular arms of my “chosen men.” While it may seem “easier” to marry someone Jewish to avoid a situation like this again, that is not the reality. No matter who I am with, if he harbors any prejudice towards any group of people, I am immediately disgusted.
When I asked my dad about marrying a non-Jewish Puerto Rican woman, he said that for him it was a non-issue, that she did everything she could to learn about Judaism to pass it on to her kids. My Puerto Rican mother, who became the leader of Shabbat in our household, says she was not intimidated by my father’s differences but rather intrigued. She embraced them and together they made their own special blend of culture and faith. In our house we had fusion food before it was a chi-chi, overpriced concept. Latkes with rice and beans was my lifestyle (and it was delicious). This taught me the simple (and slightly corny) lesson of “don’t hate, celebrate.”
My monologue comes from that lesson along with my struggle to accept who I am and where I came from. I wouldn’t call myself an ethnic Jew because it sounds redundant…I would say I’m a multi-cultural Jew. A tapestry of several shapes and colors; a mixed salad with many different flavors. I am a Jew of European and Sephardic descent and Hispanic, and 1/8th African and from the mid-west, and a woman, and a brunette, and a wise-ass, and an actor, and a writer, and a comedian and at times, a lil’ crazy. I’m a friggin’ United Colors of Benetton ad-campaign.
As Agueda Ramirez, my best friend and fellow actor/writing partner said to me, “You’re a party mix. You’re not just potato chips. You’re a Dorito with a pretzel stick with a peanut, with whatever else is in party mix. Some people don’t like mixing their chips with their party mix. And that’s okay. You just keep being party mix.”
I-am-party mix. Dig in.
Read more posts from issue #16: Diverse Jews
Ruby Marez is currently living in New York City and pursuing her self designed Masters from Antioch University-McGregor in acting and writing. Come see her writing and acting skills in her upcoming sketch show, “Internet Stalkers: We’re Not Creepy!” at The Magnet Theater. Ruby is one member of the duo improv team RuBin, They host and perform a duos-only improv show on the last Monday of every month at The Creek in Long Island City. Ruby also performs musical improv with Los Banditos Del Canto (The Bandits of Song) all over the city. Become our fan on facebook!
Tags: dating, food, interfaith family, jewish, Puerto Rico
5 Responses to “I Am Party Mix”
Leave a Reply
Follow Us
2009. Alef: The NEXT Conversation All rights reserved.
Home |
About |
Contact Us
You are not a Jew! Only Jewish women can give birth to and raise Jewish children! You’re a gentile like your mother. Of course your father didn’t care about marrying a non-Jewish woman. He’s a typical secular Jewish man wo hates Jewish women. He wanted a non-Jewish family and that is what he got. Go back top church and leave us alone. YOU ARE NOT JEWISH!
Why wasn’t the above comment by “anti-intermarriage” deleted by an administrator? The author of this article identifies as Jewish, and that comment saying she is not really Jewish is hateful and alienating. Ruby — in case you actually saw that comment and in case you hear similar sentiments out in the real world — you are 100% Jewish and you are beautiful and brave for discussing your background honestly. The Jewish community is lucky to have you among us. I hope you can ignore the haters who think exclusion is going to save Judaism — they are the ones destroying Judaism.
Dear Ruby:
If you are interested in talking with other adult children of intermarriage, you might want to visit the Half-Jewish Network’s message board at:
http://www.half-jewish.net
There are posts there from half-Jewish people from all over the world.
I am sorry about the experience that you had with your ex-boyfriend. As you may have noticed from the anti-intermarriage comment posted earlier in this thread, sadly there are Jew who exist with the same prejudices against other people.
Best of luck in your career!
Cordially,
Robin
Ruby,
Thanks so much for sharing your experience! I can’t even tell you how many times I have seen your video. Your story makes me think about the diverse faces of Judaism and how our community enriches itself from all of our stories.
Thanks again for inspirational words and all the best with everything!
- Marcelo
Oye Ruby,
You *are* a Jew. People like you, the other contributors to this series, and other Loud & Proud multicultural Jews create and maintain the vitality that keeps contemporary Jewish culture and religion relevant.
Ranters like anti-intermarraige are confused, she doesn’t understand the difference between opposing assimilationist dilution of our Jewish heritage and proposing racial exclusivity. In the post-20th-century world, what we need are inclusiveness and cultural/educational depth, not reiterations of good ol’ germanic disdain for everybody who “ain’t as pure as we are.”
Keep up the trabajo tov!