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Half-and-Half
By Meredith Druss
Sitting on the beach with my parents and sister this weekend, I asked my mother about her experiences being a Taiwanese woman who had converted to Judaism and raised two daughters Jewishly. My mother’s answers mirrored many of the feelings I have: “People are curious and pay me more attention when they see me in a Jewish space,” and “often I’m asked to explain myself but when I say I married a Jewish man and converted, they’re fine with that.” In my personal favorite of her responses she said, “everyone is welcoming, they see my energy and enthusiasm, and are happy to see me so involved.”
Together, riding the high of how open and welcoming Judaism is for us converts and half-Asians, we weren’t prepared for my dad’s question:
“If you were dating an Orthodox boy and he asked that you convert under Orthodoxy before marrying him, would you do it?”
Immediately, my mind reverted to my impertinent ten-year-old self who used to sass mistaken pure-breds who dared to call me a “half-Asian, half-Jewish girl.”
“I’m half-Asian, full-Jewish,” I’d retort, proud to educate on the difference between ethnicity and religion.
But am I really?
Having an Asian mother means it’s doubtful that my maternal line is Jewish through-and-through. While there are some Jewish communities in China (the Kaifeng Jews), Wandy Wang wasn’t from one, and to some, I realize, her Conservative conversion with intent to marry my father doesn’t cut it. So if mom’s not Jewish, then neither are the kids.
Bam.
What do you say when your own father asks if you will admit that you’re not really Jewish in order to marry your hypothetical Orthodox future-husband?
A fighter by nature, I laid it into him.
“It’s an affront to my identity! How dare anyone question my Judaism, do people question if you’re actually from Caucasia?! If this hypothetical fiancé won’t marry me unless I convert, what’s he doing dating non-Jews in the first place?”
My mother also took it personally.
“Judaism is a way of living.”
She argued that if I knew my mother to be Jewish, and lived Jewishly – the following of tradition, the observance of ritual, the commitment to certain beliefs – then I was already Jewish. Judaism isn’t something that someone can take a DNA test to determine. It doesn’t show in bone structure or the face.
“If Meredith continues to do all that, why would she have to convert?”
I affirmed my mother, “Should I be asking proof from my potential Jewish suitors that their maternal ancestors are Jewish or Orthodox-converted all the way up to the matriarch Sarah?”
I didn’t really answer the question. Defensively, I said “no” to my father only to stop the conversation. Sure, if it made things easier, why wouldn’t I convert to Orthodoxy? But then, would converting mean that I’d be acknowledging that I am not a Jew now. Who’s the one that needs to compromise here?
The greater question in all of this is that of religion vs. ethnicity. Is Judaism my ethnicity, a way of life and a group of people I happen to have traditions and beliefs in common with; or is it my religion, the way I service and worship G-d? In modern day terminology, we throw around the phrase “cultural Jew” to identify those of us that are members of the Tribe but don’t follow strict religious observance. Then, of course, there are religious Jews. Somewhere along the line, you can’t be a cultural Jew if your mother/grandmother/great-grandmother, etc. was not recognized as a religious Jew in her conversion….If I’m somewhere in the middle (a cultural Jew who believes and worships G-d and follows moderate observance levels), what’s my new categorization now? Half-Asian-Half-Ethnic-Jew-Three-Quarters-Religious Jew (…but only if you approve of Conservative conversions)?
Let me tell you, I can’t wait for the day when I can say, “I’m Jewish and I’m Asian” and no one will blink an eye.
Photo by Beige Alert, licensed under Creative Commons.
Read more posts from issue #16: Diverse Jews
Tags: Conversion, intermarriage, jewish, marriage, orthodoxy, Taiwanese
5 Responses to “Half-and-Half”
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Very interesting and provocative article that speaks at the heart of a modern Jewish identity crisis. The Orthodox would argue that up until ~100 years ago there was no such thing as conservative or reform so there would be no argument about what style to convert. But since then it’s gotten a lot more political (law of return for land in Israel for Jews, Orthodox identity crisis, etc.)
As someone who dated a non-Jewish girl with, at one time, an intention to marry her, your question/conflict is something that I have thought a lot about. Would you consider someone Jewish who did not convert (Orthodox or Conservative) but still followed the traditions and agreed to raise their children Jewishly?
There is a Jewish Studies professor at Brandeis who is Asian and probably knows more halacha that most Jews. She follows the traditions on at least a conservodox level and is teaching her son to do the same, but there is little chance she will be considered Jewish by the greater Jewish Community…would she be considered Jewish.
I’ve had a lot of people reach out about my article, many with their own stories like mine and yours. It’s so hard when the question of Jewish identity is based out of arbitrary terms created by Rabbis centuries ago.
The balance here is all in how much you need the recognition from the community versus your personal identification and recognition. We’re just coming off the Gay Pride issue, and we see this question come up with Gay couples – are they ok with knowing that they love each other and will spend their lives together, or do they need to get married to prove/affirm that?
I believe my answer to who’s Jewish requires both the “living Jewishly” and some aspect of either matrilineal Judaism or converting to Judaism. I do think that the “official” piece needs to be in there (so yes, I think non-Jews should convert). However, I hate the denomination piece that converts have to deal with. Regardless of denomination you convert in, you make the same commitment to Judaism, and it should be recognized as such.
Plus, then your kids can go on Birthright
“Plus, then your kids can go on Birthright
”
All of Bus 891 agrees with you, Mer. :]
Dear Meredith:
I lead an entire group of people who share your questions and background, the Half-Jewish Network. We have a large message board filled with the same questions you’ve raised.
If you’d like to talk with more of us, feel free to visit our website at:
http://www.half-jewish.net
Cordially,
Robin Margolis
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